Bewildering Stories Editorial

Beware of Bullbleep!

by Don Webb

Our Coordinating Editors send me everything, and I read all our editors’ and review readers’ critiques, be they “yes,” “maybe,” or “no.” I learn a lot from them.

One such critique raises the question of “naughty words” in a recent submission:

Be aware that it contains words on Don’s prohibited list, such as ‘bitch,’ and ‘bullshit.’

What are our “naughty words,” exactly? Our Review Readers’ Checklist gives a strict definition in #2, “Profanity.” In this case, I can offer some reassurance.

I admit, I would never use “bitch” as an expletive, myself; it’s simply not in my vocabulary. But it is not an official “naughty word” at BwS; fictional characters may use it.

“Bullshit” is more interesting in light of a recent CBC radio interview with a scholar at Princeton. He uses the word in the title of a recent book. The gist is, as he told it:

A liar is on the same page as someone who tells the truth. Both respect the truth, but the liar hides it by spinning a story designed for an ulterior motive.
A “bullshit artist” is someone who may or may not know the truth but, in either case, doesn’t care what it is. He vents his own, systematic delusions, no matter what the truth may be. The result is “alternate facts.”

In that light, we would seem to be logically obliged to accept the term “bullshit,” because it has a literal meaning, namely “a lie,” and it may denote a special case of lying. Thus, the “b-s” term can be effective when it is used not as an expletive but to identify a repugnant and potentially dangerous mentality.

On the other hand, the term is unfortunate, because it borrows a “naughty word.” BwS allows the s-word in its literal sense, but that’s all. The expletive normally serves only as verbal punctuation — mainly as an interjection or as a self-intensified indefinite pronoun — in the speech of certain social classes. However, that’s where it ends.

The expletive does not have the same function in the written language as it does in the spoken language. Readers don’t take the s-word in the same way. In prose — be it narrative or dialogue — the s-word expletive quickly reveals its banality. It becomes boring, at least; offensive, at worst.

Now, what shall we do in the real world? We have to remember that cultures differ; that’s why our Profanity guideline applies to English only. For example, the f- and s-word equivalents in Canadian French are considered mild, while words relating to the Catholic Church can be used as expletives that make strong ladies blush and proper sailors faint dead away.

Now, may elementary-school students send us submissions filled with “bull[bleep]” and little else? The short answer is: No. That’s also the long answer.

As always, our official motto applies: “Poems [and stories] are not made with ideas; they are made with words.” BwS insists on precise word choice as a favour to both authors and readers. We may recommend “Liar!” or “You’re crazy!” But such alternatives seem coolly dispassionate. Better yet, remember another motto: “There is no sarcasm so biting as the plain truth.”