MACHU PICCHU, Peru, Aug 24 - A recent archaeological dig at Machu Picchu, the site of an ancient Incan city northwest of Cuzco, Peru, has resulted in the discovery of strange extraterrestrial artifacts. Among the artifacts discovered are a heliotype of the aliens' home planet, a pyramidal device of unknown purpose, another pyramidal device of unknown purpose, and some metal blocks used for unknown purposes.

Archaeologist Enoch Probo discovered the artifacts after a local villager spotted some stone bricks unearthed by soil erosion. "This is a remarkable find," Probo said. "Stuff like this doesn't happen every day. I mean, how can stuff like this happen? It's, like, totally impossible. But sometimes it does happen, and that means it's not totally impossible, and this is a contradiction. Anyway, this dig is great. I feel that these artifacts will expand our knowledge of the Emgovan—that's what we're calling them right now—culture. By analyzing artifacts left behind by the Emgovans, we can understand exactly how they lived their lives. Using these artifacts, we are able to see into the past to understand the Emgovans and their relationship with the Incas. Thanks to people like me, humanity can truly appreciate the culture of the Emgovans. Take Heinrich Schliemann, for example. He discovered Troy! But this—this is a lot better! I mean, who cares about some city in Asia Minor? This is the real thing!"

Machu Picchu was originally discovered in 1911 by Hiram Bingham, an archaeologist from Yale University. The Spanish who conquered the Incas in the 16th century C.E. did not know about it.

When asked for their opinions on the discovery of the artifacts, local villagers expressed discontent. One villager, who wished not to be named, said, "I wish these stupid archaeologists would just shut up and go away. We want our peace. We don't want no stupid archaeologists coming here and digging up our land. Soil erosion has already destroyed enough. We don't need no stinking archaeologists to destroy our land any more. They ain't got no respect for our land, they ain't got no respect for us, and, above all, they ain't got no respect for the Incan culture—or these so-called aliens! If someone buried fake artifacts here on purpose, these stupid archaeologists couldn't tell the difference."

The artifacts, which date from around 1500 C.E., are now being moved to the National Museum of Extraterrestrial Remains.